Matters of the Heart
October 26th, 2011By Patty Hampton, CSP
The supervisor was so insensitive that she grilled my sister for details concerning the memorial services, not so she could attend, but more for the selfish need to plan for the needs of the department. Well, let me take my professional HR hat off and put this situation in a personal context.
My father passed away on Thursday, October 20. My sister’s supervisor requested details on a funeral service on Friday, October 21. Why so soon? My sister has worked for this organization for more than 30 years and while I completely understand the business requirements behind the supervisors’ need to know, my sister also felt pressured to provide the information.
Here’s where my professionalism went south. I told my sister, “Gail, you tell Mildred that she can kiss your [butt], and if you have a nervous breakdown, she will hear from my attorney because she is being so unreasonable right now. Is this the way they treat an employee who has worked for them for 30 years? Seriously, Gail, we don’t even know at this point whether to cremate or embalm and she needs a [expletive] date. Are you kidding me right now?”
As I tossed the phone to my brother who was in the room at the time, I didn’t recognize my fear and anger. I didn’t recognize it because in all of my 20 plus years of experience, I forgot how insensitive some supervisors can be. Which brings me to this question, are your supervisors prepared to handle a personal life changing event for their direct reports?
For me, I learned from some of the best HR practitioners. I learned that it is not what you say, but how you say it. I learned that people will remember if they were treated with dignity and respect. I learned that in a time of crisis, you treat people the way you would want to be treated.
I also learned that some of us lead with an iron fist and others with the heart or a balanced approach. And, over the years, I’ve learned how to incorporate all of these leadership styles no matter what the circumstances. There is a way to be firm, have a heart, and respond to the needs of a business when it comes to deeply personal situations in the lives of employees. Matters of the heart are tough. Some of us push emotions aside when dealing with an employee. Others just take over a process and handle the situation themselves.
When you’re faced with the loss of an immediate family member nothing else seems to matter in that moment and for several days. Your world is turned upside down and there are waves of sadness, joy and pain.
Now, let me put my HR hat back on. If you have experienced the loss of a loved one, I encourage you to use that experience to counsel and guide the supervisors in your organization on how to treat employees. If you have never experienced a loss, than have someone come in and provide grief training or sensitivity training to you and supervisors.
When an employee is dealing with a loss, we have to reach out to the supervisor and make sure they know how to respond and communicate with that employee. Sometimes HR will handle the situation, but in those times when the supervisor needs to respond, make sure they have the training to know how to respond.
Matters of the heart are deeply personal. And when the loss of a loved one “upsets” the orderliness of our busy lives and business, it is in that day that we need to remember to respond in-kind.
